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Marriages
in Punjab
As in every society, Punjabi society has its traditions to
mark every stage of life from birth to death. Perhaps no other
life-event is more surrounded by tradition than marriage. Throughout
India, most marriages are arranged by the couple’s families
and a generation ago it was not uncommon for bride and bridegroom
to meet for the first time at the marriage ceremony itself.
Nowadays, the personal preferences of the young people are
given greater importance and families accept the children’s’
wish to get to know the potential spouse before making a commitment.
Given the fact that marriage in India represents a very strong,
lifetime commitment and society accepts divorce only in the
most extreme circumstances, this is a very understandable
wish.
 After the young people have made up their mind to marry, the
first step is a simple ceremony called rokai or thaka.
The girl’s father, accompanied by some friends and relatives,
visits the young man’s house and presents sweets and
a small gift of money. The engagement ceremony, or mangani,
takes place when the boy’s family returns the visit and
in the presence of friends and relatives the intended marriage
is announced. Prayers are said at this time, and the couple
exchange gifts.The wedding
itself is a grand affair stretching over several days and
attended by all the relatives and innumerable friends. For
nights before the ceremony, women gather to sing and dance.
The bridegroom’s entourage, the barat, has its
own customs to observe – more singing and dancing, decking
up the bridegroom, tying a sort of ornamental veil, the sehra,
over his face, leading him in procession, often on horseback,
to the marriage venue to the accompaniment of a brass band.
Milani is the ceremonial welcome of the barat at the gate
of the marriage venue – more gifts change hands with
the bridegroom’s family on the receiving end. Feasting
is on a lavish scale.The
Hindu bride and bridegroom along with their parents will sit
around the sacred fire while pandits chant the marriage mantras.
They are deemed to be married after they have walked around
the sacred fire lawan phere. The Sikh couple will sit
before the holy book, the Guru Granth Sahib, while prayers
are said and the granthi instructs them on the duties of marriage;
finally they will walk around the Guru Granth Sahib. Prasad,
a buttery, wheat-flour based sweet, is distributed to all
present and signals the completion of the ceremony. After this,
both Sikh and Hindu weddings are marked by more feasting.
The concluding item is doli, literally "palanquin",
when the bride is given an emotional send off to her new home
and family. More ceremonies await the bride at her husband’s
home but the main extravaganza is over. Another point of difference
between Hindu and Sikh marriages is that Hindu marriages are
usually performed at night, while Sikh marriages are performed
in the morning. A sect
of the Sikhs, the Namdharis, as an article of faith, marry
very simply and often in ceremonies where many couples are
married at the same time. The parents of the boy and the girl
settle the marriage but the approval of the head of the Namdhari
sect is essential. Unlike Hindu and conventional Sikh marriages,
dowry is not a part of the Namdhari marriage and the couples
are dressed in simple white clothes. The scarves worn by the
girl and boy and knotted together, and hymns from the Granth
Sahib are sung. A trend
seen in recent times is to go through the procedures of the
Indian Civil Marriage Act. 1956, after the traditional marriage
has taken place. This is usually done because the couple plan
to migrate to a foreign country and the civil marriage is
useful in the matter of getting passports. The civil marriage
is also frequently preferred by couples who belong to different
castes or religions, or sometimes when they simply want to
avoid a very costly and ostentatious ceremony.
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